Today was a nice day. I love being surrounded by girlies, who help me take lovely photos and be all creative. Sometimes I zone out of conversation though, they must think i'm playing the apathetic artist, I can't help it, I have to study the images iv'e taken and soak up the atmosphere, I love creative atmospheres, I keep forgetting how much I love them until I am in them again. I think I just need to accept the fact I should be a photographer, because despite how stressed I get with editing and getting the image perfect - I fucking love it. I need to take classes and get a better camera though, and some lighting equitment. When the model asked if I had any I felt silly, but the work I do isn't enough to justify buying any right now, and most of the work I do anyway I don't usually need any for - I love natural light too, it's harder work but who cares. I wish I could do that more often, it's glorious.

Tomorrow will be lonely, I feel a little lonely now.
I need to work like a fiend this week.
but right now I need to sleep.

x

Oh, so it's March.
I've wasted 2 months of the year already.
I can't believe I had such high hopes for this year, just because some stupid boy kissed me under invisable mistle toe and told me my hair was soft when it shouldn't have been seen out of the house.

OMG.
STRESS.

So, I have a photoshoot I TOTALLY forgot about tomorrow for Sugahfix again?
(whee go go go anyone who actually reads this http://www.sugahfix.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=477&Itemid=49 )
I HATE the 3rd photo and the last photo but the lady who edits the website liked them so!
I do a lot of style spotters and event photography for them but this is another full on shoot with a model, hair and makeup, specially designed hats and pretty necklaces. YET I forgot about it, so I haven't been able to accumulate excitement and ideas.
I have 4 days next week to complete my art final piece (yes - I never did any more yet) and my media studies publications, tomorrow was going to be a headstart on those as well, but no. Next week is not going to be nice, at ALL. Most of my friends are away on a Biology trip next week as well so I'll be a lonely little thing, so maybe my loneliness can be productive and I will go to the library at lunch like a sad case and work on my publications or something, and during free periods when my friends are away and I can't talk the whole time. Hmm, maybe this biology trip came at a good time afterall.

Anyway.


Also I have just decided I have no idea what to do with my life and where I want to go to university, I thought I wanted to go to Scotland or London, which I still do but the whole thought of moving frightens me to tears, even though I am quite determined not to stay here. Unless I do an art foundation course in which case I will stay here then go to the London College of Communication, and hopefully be very very happy and study photography. But I don't even know if I want to study photography! What if I don't make it? Should I do english and something proposterous like philosophy? Useless but entirely interesting. Or should I stick to the fine art? I don't know, I don't know! Also, as interesting as I find media I can't see that working out either. Goodness me.

I cut an asshole out of my life this week as well, he always came crawling to me for sympathy when things went wrong in his life, then utterly failed to help me with any problem I ever had, then opnely admitted he quite wanted to bang me. Yet I helped him and proivided advice and bent over backwards and then he'd make up foul excuses. Not talk to me for two weeks and then do the same thing again - Well after we had an arguement about feminisim and I realized he's probably misogynistic pig who has some seriously backward opinions, I decided i'd had my fill of him. He came crawling back for sympathy again this week and I quite frankly told him where to stick it, telling people where to stick it really brings out the worst in them I find. I've never seen anyone act so immaturely in my life, well I have but not for a while. He proved who he really was and I proved im not a Stephanie shaped rug for walking on. I'm quite proud of myself really, sometimes you really need to just be selfish and look out for yourself, I'm beginning to think niceness gets you nowhere.

Have some photography goodness. I did make a jaws themed video where I thought I was being entirely hilarious but tinypic hates it, and stopped uploading... twice.









some terrible paint "sketches"




im so hot on putting my photos together right now.
I look gross, my skin is yuck pre-period. Which should also be arriving tomorrow, OH WONDERFUL.




gooood night.
x

Hello Livejournal. I've had this for a while and i've still done nothing with it - my deepest apologies. I felt it would be good to put all the thoughts in my head down somewhere solid, unfortunately the good old fashioned diary is far too much effort for me, and seeing as I have ever present access to my laptop this is much more appropriate. However I just love the idea of beautifully binded journals with scribbles and notes. I'm making one for my final art piece for my old project, I'm pretty sure it needs to be done in two weeks and ive only got half the back covered, I messed up the front a little and I have only filled two pages in it with 'art'. What a nightmare, it doesn't quite have the impact of a large scale stunning drawing either, it'll just look like an extra project sketch book during the exhibition at the end of the year, i've decided to display it on an antique coffee table, with a cute lamp and vintage telephone - to make it have a little more impact. If I spent half the time I spend talking about what I have to do, actually doing what needs to be done I wouldn't be such a mess.




I made this last year however and everybody commented on it and I felt rather proud of myself, so I want to better that somehow, I'll just need to make an amazing exam piece instead.

I'm not at a gig that I wanted to be at tonight, I feel like i'm missing something fantastic. I feel like that a lot of the time however, you'd think I'd be used to it.
I'm also starting to accept the fact that nothing will ever happen with the first guy to get me excited in months. He's "just not that into me" to coin the phrase. I see him all the time and it's ever so awkward, I feel like a fool for ever thinking he liked me, but the kisses and general monumental flirting can throw a girl. I saw that movie last night actually ("He''s just not that into you"). It plays on stereotypes horrifically but I still saw myself in some of the characters and that made me feel rather disgusted. Like i'm letting the side down by fitting into the cliche - but I can't help it. Despite the feminist values I try to maintain and what i'd like to believe is my independent nature, I still long to spill my guts to some artsy boy who will listen, and give me a cuddle. I sound gross.

I need some Scarlett to cheer me up.


This girl makes me like my curves, well - a little more than usual. I need to stop watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona over and over again. My friend and I just discussed how amazing her boobies and bottom were the other day during He's Just Not That Into You. Goodness me.

Ps; someone please take me away to somewhere in Spain like this right now.
please?